transportation aesthetics

Public Transportation is oft a frustration. All around me are people staring at their smart phones. One guy even has the balls to bust out an actual laptop. I usually do all I can to disguise the fact I'm carrying one. I've heard too many stories of people getting their shit stolen by some desperate and confused 12-year-old with a gun. As everyone waits the 5-7 minutes for Bart to start moving again, it's hard to find a place to rest my eyes. Everything is so hideous. We're in a tunnel underground, on a rapid train. Rapid Transit. We wait. It's dark, so the windows only function as dark, dirty mirrors, and not a single nice thing to look at. The novelty of it's 'newness' has long since worn off, and all the colors are chasing each-other toward grey. The poster design is bland and boring, and people's clothing choices are the same. Mediocre and safe. Jeans and sweatshirts. It's like everyone bought their clothes from a thrift store 5 years from now. Jeans and jackets. Black and blue, like a bruise. Generic shoes and black backpacks. There is an extreme disassociation at work here. If this were my train, the walls would not be the color of sun-bleached paper. They would be bright and saturated with shapes and textures that make the body feel calm, safe, and content. The lights wouldn't be flourescent, and they wouldn't be so bright. They would be softer and hold more of the light spectrum, and that would absorb nicely into the colors of the walls and cushions. The light and colors in these trains makes me feel on edge. They make me feel so ugly and on the spot. So small. Like a deer frozen in headlights. I want to put sunglasses on--to hide. I want to put my hood up, cover my hands and mouth. I want to shove ear buds in my ears with music blasting. Anything that will remove me from where I am. And I am sure that I am not alone. I just don't have the option.

Everytime I get on this train, I just do what I can with my eyes, hands, and mind, and wait for it to be over. That's what my little red book is for.