Tralfamadorians

I am 29 years old. I am sitting in an entire apartment occupied by me. I am definately feeling my 22 year old self. I realize more and more each day how small, short, and simple this* is. And yet I feel compelled to produce. I dedicate my life to it. And I keep wondering 'is this right? what if i'm totally fucking up right now?' but that voice never really knows what it's talking about, so it's credibility is iffy. And if i'm not making the most evolved choices, it simply means i'm not evolved enough to make better. Which means I need to learn more so I can grow. Which means I need to make mistakes.
*this species, this planet, this window of time


Lament nothing lost
for there is no such thing
(as loss)

loneliness is yet another human experience that isn't based on reality. Because part of me is connected to all life, all love, and every creature that gave birth since the first splitting of cells. And another part of me knows that regardless of emotions, I will live until I die. And all that will be left in the end is whatever beauty I managed to conjur, and whatever impression I managed to leave. So I intend to make it better as much as possible, otherwise what's the point? if you're not making it better, then what are you doing? While the pretty girls are busy breeding, I intend to help make the world more beautiful. Or rather, to inspire humans to be a part of the beauty on this planet. To motivate to move away from being just pests, sores, and termites. We have the brains to inhabit, or co-inhabit, intelligently and harmlessly on this planet. We just lack the foresight. Our perception of time must expand and stretch longer than our short lifetimes and our limited capacities to learn will allow

it brings me back again to the Tralfamadorians as Kurt Vonnegut described in Slaughterhouse Five. We can only see a tiny pinpoint of the landscape, whereas the Tralfamadorians can see the entire beautiful and vast expanse.

"I am a Tralfamadorian, seeing all time as you might see a stretch of the Rocky Mountains. All time is all time. It does not change. It does not lend itself to warnings or explanations. It simply is."

which helps me to realize how unimportant my blotchy skin and crooked teeth are. My frizzy hair and thick legs. They're just another element of this temporary human experience. and to seek those that would be deterred by these causal details is counterproductive, as we are unaligned in our intentions, goals and purposes. Which would either result in conflict, despair, or destruction.

And I so very deeply need to be held, like a little girl by her daddy. I never got that. My dad was distant, my grampa was cold, my step-dad was gruff. Everyone kept their distance. No one really knew what to do with me. And those walls kept growing...

but as ancient cities were protected by their stone fortitude, perhaps mine can serve as somewhat of an 'Iron Man' suit to aid in my mission to express, encourage, and manifest our shared experience into growth and wonder for the future.


I wonder how many thousands or millions of years it's taken to strip our DNA down to what it is. And why are we striving for mediocrity? We strive for moderate political views, a strong and large middle class, and mass media. If we look at this, it seems as though being disagreed with is what must be avoided above all else. When extremes are avoided above all, and a narrow and banal approach is taken, people are forced to make extremes out of what they've got to work with. Thus: Reality TV. Are we turning ourselves into these shallow, dramatic, narcissistic people that we love so much to watch?

this is an important new way to think about our motivations

This is from Dan Pink's talk @ the RSA and Ted. They animated it

A few thoughts on this Oil Spill

When the earthquake hit Haiti, when the Hurricane hit New Orleans, when the tsunami hit Southeast Asia...the people came to aid. Even when the government was slow to arrive, the people did what they could. There were foundations set up, rock stars, movie stars and scientists showed up with their ideas and their checkbooks.

This oil spill is no less dramatic, no less tragic. This is, in fact, worse than we can even fathom. So much death is occurring and will occur as a direct result of this costly mistake. It is as if the oil industry has waged war on all the world, and we're just trusting them to do right with it. We're trusting the government to slap their wrists. We allowed this to happen! We are all responsible.

Do we really trust BP to take care of this mess that they have 'accepted complete responsibility' over, just as they were trusted to make sure they knew how to be 'safe' with what they were doing? Oil spills have been happening since the beginning of oil, and yet no oil company has been truly required to have a legitimate clean-up plan (except for some nonsense on paper)? The past spills have easily been swept under the carpet (or swept to sea in this case), but not this one. Even a blind man can feel the heat of an atomic bomb.

If we continue to trust the government to regulate this industry, and the industry to regulate itself, then we have learned nothing. We need to be pressuring our government, pressuring our congressmen and women to increasing regulation on industry! To change energy toward the clean, or we won't make it. We have to stop allowing the thirst for profit and progress to destroy our homes, our livelihoods, and each-other. And 'we' are not only humans. We are all life come from the muck some 3.8 billion years ago, and we all call this spaceship home; princes, paupers, and pigeons alike.

We have nowhere else to go if we mess this one up. We can't buy a new one. What good are your profits if you have no food to eat, everything you've ever known is dying or dead, and there's nothing left to live for?

"When all the trees have been cut down, when all the animals have been hunted, when all the waters are polluted, when all the air is unsafe to breathe, only then will you discover you cannot eat money."
~ Cree Prophecy

(And think of what 'happened' to the wisdom of the Native American Indians. The same tactics have been used to manipulate the public into supporting the ambitions of the few for far too long, and if we don't snap out of it and do something soon, we're not going to have a future to look forward too. Billions of years of evolutionary work, to just end down a short bumpy road that could have easily been avoided? How embarrassing)

Soundcloud

Soundcloud is awesome. So I put up some Huh Uh stuff on there. I also put a Hailey Gaiser account, but right now it just has my songs from huh-uh (as I haven't recorded my new songs yet and put them up. It's in the works) Anyway, here's the link to the soundcloud music i put up there.http://

Mine!

Why is life such a heart breaking experience? I was reading a book to sweet, dear Huxley about the wind protecting us and the trees absorbing toxins and releasing oxygen for us to breathe and the earth holding us--and it made me want to cry. It made me want to cry because we cut down the trees that we need. That the term "tree hugger" is used as a derogatory disvalidating reference to those who understand the power of nature and our symbiosis with it. And we can't seem to figure out how to work together! Children fight over toys screaming "Mine! Mine!" They fight over balloons, balls, puzzle pieces, star wars figurines. Stupid material possessions that don't help us in the least bit, and yet children as young as two are establishing power dynamics and exhibiting hoarding tendencies. Why? Is it so innately natural? I don't believe that. Perhaps its being printed in the dna over generations of hoarding and fighting, but if kids spent more time in the woods the objects wouldn't be used as much as identifiers. Our identities are so closely bound to what we own in the cities and towns. In the deep woods, the earth is providing for you, and everything has its season, so its impossible to cling so tightly to things. What has happened to us?

fighting for what?

American soldiers don't die for their country. They die to keep capitalism going, to keep the people subdued and trapped in their financial cycles, and to keep certain people very very rich. Their homes often times are in hideous and desolate suburban spreads, homes with no vibrancy or community. How is this a home worth fighting for?

Buncha animals!

We all derive our energy and are lit by the same source. We're just different outlets. We're not as special and individual as we often believe. I know we each have our uniqueness to contribute and that our smallest actions to effect the whole, but we're each still one of many, elbowing our ways into the world. We flood the streets, pollute the air, strip the earth of its ancient and natural beauty and breed, all the while trying to be special to someone or someones. Some of us desperately need to be loved by millions, while others are okay with a small few. Are we the only species with such specific and acute egocentricity? Does the queen bee give herself airs for her unique place in the hive? Does the alpha of the wolf pack attempt to conquer other packs once he's succeeded in his own? Or is it because they don't know the difference anyway that they remain content in their positions. There's no anternet or tiger t.v. to facilitate in inter-species quantum communication. The seasons are their guide, their media, their providers. And the creatures less affected by the seasons are trapped in the cycles of survival.

In our own cycles, there are ghost prints of these earlier tighter days. We write love songs and put on make-up and get crushes. We react when we feel threatened, and binge in times of excess. And we covet our possessions as though our young. We're so in love with our creations in our culture of congratulatory egotism, where our human worth and value to each-other moves further from skills, reflexes, and ingenuity and moves more to aesthetic standards and power posture.

No wonder our brains are shrinking!