While I am alive, I can sign my name. No one else will ever sign my name. No one will ever have my name. It is perfect. I am perfect. Even my imperfections are perfect. I have love pumping through me for as long as I live. And my story will live after I die, even if just for a time. I will document my story from here to there, through words and images, art and compositions, fashion and fun. This life is a dream that walks a thin line from one time to another. Through rapids and bottlenecks, through dimples, dread, and desire. Down scary chutes and firm ascents, and up rickety ladders. It gets slow then fast then slow again. This is how we survive, and this is why. Our hearts are in it and they swell. Fear not, for it is the fear that leads us to what we are afraid of. Fear is a choice that leads back to itself. It iterates like fractals. It's time to leave fear and make the choice toward love, for Everything is Everything. The universe is gorgeous and perfect and wild. Tiny dots and bigger dots and massive dots. Dots that swirl around other dots, making giant blobs. The dream of the universe is what I know, for it's what I am. I wish to grow my own dreams into gardens of wishes and magic. The kind of magic that we can touch and hold and do. Real magic. Ancient magic (which is love and love, alone). I love what I do, I love my friends, I love my family. I only ask for the courage to stay calm, and breathe, and trust that I am a part of everything, and everything is a part of me.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
letter to the universe
While I am alive, I can sign my name. No one else will ever sign my name. No one will ever have my name. It is perfect. I am perfect. Even my imperfections are perfect. I have love pumping through me for as long as I live. And my story will live after I die, even if just for a time. I will document my story from here to there, through words and images, art and compositions, fashion and fun. This life is a dream that walks a thin line from one time to another. Through rapids and bottlenecks, through dimples, dread, and desire. Down scary chutes and firm ascents, and up rickety ladders. It gets slow then fast then slow again. This is how we survive, and this is why. Our hearts are in it and they swell. Fear not, for it is the fear that leads us to what we are afraid of. Fear is a choice that leads back to itself. It iterates like fractals. It's time to leave fear and make the choice toward love, for Everything is Everything. The universe is gorgeous and perfect and wild. Tiny dots and bigger dots and massive dots. Dots that swirl around other dots, making giant blobs. The dream of the universe is what I know, for it's what I am. I wish to grow my own dreams into gardens of wishes and magic. The kind of magic that we can touch and hold and do. Real magic. Ancient magic (which is love and love, alone). I love what I do, I love my friends, I love my family. I only ask for the courage to stay calm, and breathe, and trust that I am a part of everything, and everything is a part of me.
Seattle
I wrote this little goodbye poem to Seattle during my visit in February
Sipping solemn, Seattle
Your frayed edges
Sopping up puddles
While you shuffle for burgers
and beers
I saw you marching,
Waving your flags
So fast I couldn't grab
your message
I know you meant it
(whatever it was)
You haven't changed (your hair)
Though the lines on your face,
The creases and highways
From scowls and smiles
Are deep from pacing back and forth
Like Friday night on Broadway
Fame will never have you
But you don't mind
You've got the love you want
It's stretching out, waiting
At the bottom of your glass
Goodbye, old love
(grow old with grace)
Thursday, June 9, 2011
blog
I realize that i'm somewhat retarded when it comes to blogging. Maybe because I think there's rules I have to follow, but I don't know what those rules are. Maybe it's because I have all my interests compartmentalized. So I have this venue for this, and that venue for that. I haven't quite figured out how to tie the room together. What is the center circle for my spider graph? What is my umbrella? The house that all my ideas sit in? There has got to be some through-line here, and since i'm near-sighted, by the time i back up far enough to see the whole picture, it's too blurry for me to make anything out.
If only I had a mentor. Or some parental guidance. Then I could make sense of this world.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
the new future
I had weird spaceship dreams the past couple nights. The other night it was aboard the Starship Enterprise and Jean Luc Picard was leading a meeting about how the crew's street clothes were too 'nineties'. It was all because Deanna Troy was wearing some belly-baring top with a denim bolero and high-waisted jeans (with her big hair). It was hideous, I have to admit. He said we needed to really go 'futuristic' with our daily fashions, even when off the clock. I agreed.
every decade has their own version of how they want the future to look. What is the contemporary 'futuristic'? It seems like today, people are more concerned with re-discovering fashions from the past. They are less occupied with the futures of the sixties and eighties (spaceships androids, and flying cars) and are now romanticizing the gold rush, prospecters, and "cowboys'n'indians". We're looking back to times before plastic, computer chips, and overpopulation. Before bedbug protection ads on mass transit. Back when people still got lost in the woods and never found their way out. When someone could be raised by wolves. When you could find a plot of land, dig in the earth, and build a house. Anywhere. Because it didn't belong to anyone. It was wide open earth without claims. And all people owned were their stock and the shirts on their backs. And maybe a peppermint stick or two.
But today there's just too much stuff. Too many people. It seemed impossible 50 years ago that it would even be possible to have any effect on this planet. The solution to pollution was dilution. But even the smartest minds of any generation are working with the accepted truths of the the generations prior. It stays that way until someone makes a mistake and accidentally proves one of those truths false. And then the new truth takes its place, for the time being. Our minds are too short to see the whole picture. We have no real concept of time. Our lives are stop-motion and all our years of living only form a few moments of memories. It's just too easy to forget. We're being flooded in tiny houses with hundreds others, and the door is blocked with all the stuff we've been meaning to get rid of.
I think it's very telling that the boys are wearing their waistcoats and bowler hats, while the women are dressing straight out of grandma's closet. That people are growing gardens on their city rooftops and going back to more archaic, simple arts and crafts. Rich people are moving to the forests and buying land to build their homestead and simple life, and the creative are moving to cities and making their own clothes, brewing their own beer, growing their own food, and building houses with garbage. People are sick of being told what to do, and so their finding their own ways. The more our society establishes rules that speak only to the masses, creates litigation and eliminates extenuating circumstance, the people feel as though this society isn't for them. We don't fit into any of the demographics. We're not being sold to. So we have to create our own bowers and do things the way we'd like them to be done. There are so many of us. We are everywhere.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
transportation aesthetics
Public Transportation is oft a frustration. All around me are people staring at their smart phones. One guy even has the balls to bust out an actual laptop. I usually do all I can to disguise the fact I'm carrying one. I've heard too many stories of people getting their shit stolen by some desperate and confused 12-year-old with a gun. As everyone waits the 5-7 minutes for Bart to start moving again, it's hard to find a place to rest my eyes. Everything is so hideous. We're in a tunnel underground, on a rapid train. Rapid Transit. We wait. It's dark, so the windows only function as dark, dirty mirrors, and not a single nice thing to look at. The novelty of it's 'newness' has long since worn off, and all the colors are chasing each-other toward grey. The poster design is bland and boring, and people's clothing choices are the same. Mediocre and safe. Jeans and sweatshirts. It's like everyone bought their clothes from a thrift store 5 years from now. Jeans and jackets. Black and blue, like a bruise. Generic shoes and black backpacks. There is an extreme disassociation at work here. If this were my train, the walls would not be the color of sun-bleached paper. They would be bright and saturated with shapes and textures that make the body feel calm, safe, and content. The lights wouldn't be flourescent, and they wouldn't be so bright. They would be softer and hold more of the light spectrum, and that would absorb nicely into the colors of the walls and cushions. The light and colors in these trains makes me feel on edge. They make me feel so ugly and on the spot. So small. Like a deer frozen in headlights. I want to put sunglasses on--to hide. I want to put my hood up, cover my hands and mouth. I want to shove ear buds in my ears with music blasting. Anything that will remove me from where I am. And I am sure that I am not alone. I just don't have the option.
Everytime I get on this train, I just do what I can with my eyes, hands, and mind, and wait for it to be over. That's what my little red book is for.
Everytime I get on this train, I just do what I can with my eyes, hands, and mind, and wait for it to be over. That's what my little red book is for.
the school of heart knocks
I'm attracted to the strangest creatures
The depth of the sea is in their bodies,
high walls protect their wells
I sense the water behind them
and feel life thrive
I bide my time
until the guards get used to me
until they invite me in
The depth of the sea is in their bodies,
high walls protect their wells
I sense the water behind them
and feel life thrive
I bide my time
until the guards get used to me
until they invite me in
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